i reallie wanna SCREAM .
it hurts so so much.
it really hurts.
i dunno.
maybe yoo just dun care.
i dunno if all this is worth it.
a yoo even worth the hurt im feeling ?
yoo dun even noe how much yoo're hurting me.
if yoo're reading this,
i'll tell yoo.
IT HURTS ALOT .
it pains me to see yoo hurt.
but does it pain yoo to see me hurt ??
i dun think so,
if it does,
i dun think yoo'll treat me tis way.
yoo reallie make me wanna curse myself.
make me wanna vandalise myself.
im so sorrie if i break my promise.
but i cant handle the hurtyoo cause me to feel.
i reallie cant.
-lyssa *i.have.no.feelings.now*
11:10 PM
i just have one thing to say.
IM PHAWKING PISSED.
VANDALISM HABIT IS GOING TO BEGIN
ONCE THE OLD ONES ARE HEALED.
GONNA DO STRAIGHT ON MY WRIST.
MAYBE GONNA USE A KNIFE STRAIGHT AWAY.
BECAUSE IT WILL BLEED EASIER.
9:19 PM
okay, dunno how many times i blogged tdae le.
it's 1.02 am on my computer clock.
yepp. & im still awake.
oh phawk. wad the hell. im so pissed.
well, actually is still pissed.
coz i was pissed just now also.
well, not just larh.
i think it was 10 pm pluss arh.
aiiyyaahh.
does it even matter.
see, im so bored tt im talking to myself.
haaaahhhh.
okay, im tired.
exhausted.
brain-dead.
wadeva.
yoo name it.
okay. i wanna slp.
but i wont slp well.
coz of ***.
AARRGGHH.
it's alwaes coz of ***.
hais. i swear im gonna have
BIG EYEBAGS
tmrw. hais.
tts the consequences of not slping well.
hais. reallie so bored.
anyone have any nice webbies tt i can go to ??
haahhh. okay. maybe later blog again.
-lyssa 8')
1:08 AM
12:49 AM
okay, third time blogging for tdae.
or isit my second time ?
okay, wadeva.
im losing track. im still in the same bad-mood.
but not as bad as juz now.
i havent eat my lunch & dinner.
im so hungry.
but whenever i think bout ***,
i start to feel full.
im worried. where are YOO ??
god.help.me.
AARRGGHH ! shit man.
im so scared, afraid, worried, concerned.
hais. okay. nvm.
i will trust. yepp.
i will try to.. okay, have been online since 4pm untill now.
which is 11.09pm.
hais. wadeva.
i dun tink anybody cares anywae.
hais. shud i vandalise again ?
if i do, ill be breaking my promise.
hais. the satisfaction of forgetting everything is so good.
reallie very good.
it's lyke an antidote of some sort.
hais. i live in a shitty world.
wadeva. who cares anyway.
just wanna quickly grow up.
get out of this shit in my life.
handling all the pressures, expectations & results.
IHATEMYSELF.
i.just.realised.something.
techno.helps.me.relieve.stress. x)
-lyssa 8'(
11:15 PM
10:47 PM
OKAY. IM SO NOT IN A GOOD MOOD NOW.
IM BLOGGING TO RELIEVE THE
'NOT-GOOD-MOODNESS'.
AARRGGHH !
OKAY, FIRSTLY,
IM FREAKING HUNGRY !
SECONDLY, IM SOOO BORED.
DID I TELL YOO ALL TT MY PARENTS
HAVE GONE TO HONG KONG ?
( HONGKEE'S COUNTRY, OBVIOUSLY )
THEY'LL BE BACK ON SUNDAE NIGHT.
NO ONE'S AT HME NOW.
ACCEPT ME & MY SPIRIT IN ME.
AARRGGHH. IDIOTIC MAN.
FIRST TIME BLOGGING TWICE IN A DAE.
TTS HOW BIG MY BAD-MOODNESS IS.
AARRGGHH.
WONT SOMEBODEE ENTERTAIN ME ?
HAIS. FUGLY DAE WIF FUGLY ME.
AARRGGHH. AND 2 OF MY AUNTS CALLED.
1 WANTED TO BRING ME & MY SIS
FOR A DUNNO WAD CONCERT IN TAM-PINES.
IDIOT LARH.
HAIS. I MISS SO MANY PPL IN MY LIFE NOW..
SHITTY LOR.
I MISS SHERMAINE, ZANETA, HUILING,
STEFFI, KUNYUAN, KAMING,
BIJIE, KIMSIONG, RITA,
ELAINE, ELEEN AND THE WHOLE LIST
CONTINUES FOREVER.
HAIS. REALLY MISSED THE YEAR 2003.
WHEN MY BESTIES WERE THERE FOR ME
WHEN I NEEDED THEM.
LIKE NOW..
HAIS. EVERYBODEE'S NOT FREE.
HAIS. TIS REALLIE SUCKS.
I HATE MY LIFE.
I HATE MYSELF.
I HATE THE WORLD.
I HATE EVERYBODEE.
IM WAITING & WAITING & WAITING FOR ***.
ALWAES CAUGHT UP IN SO MANY STUFF.
I UNDERSTAND IF IT HAPPENS SOMETIMES.
BUT DUNCH YOO TINK YOO'RE BEING TOO MUCH ?
I TINK YOO'RE TOO MUCH.
STEPPING ALL OVER ME.
I WONT LET IT HAPPEN AGAIN.
NEVER EVER. EVER. EVER.
BUT EVERYTIME I SEE YOO,
I SECRETLY M*L* INSIDE.
HOPING TT YOO'LL C*R* MORE.
BUT I DUNCH TINK YOO WILL CHANGE.
HAIS. MISSING THE IMPORTANT BESTIES IN 2003.
I'LL ALWAES REMEMBER YOO GUYS.
FOREVER.
MOST OF US SPLIT UP.
REALLIE FELLING LOST IN MY OWN WORLD.
F*C*KINGLY LOST.
DESPERATELY LOST.
-LYSSA
7:58 PM
okay, aft 2 whole hours of surfing the net,
i dunno wad else i can do at hme.
ARGHHH !!
im dying of boredom.
okay, so i shall blog about tdae.
haah. okay wadeva. im bored.
okay, got back 2 CT papers tdae.
MATHS & GEOGRAPHY !!
as usual, wasn't the least worried bout geog.
coz geog SUCKS TO THE APPLE CORE.
i reallie hate geog.
ive never studied it in my entire sec1 & plan not to for my entire sec2. yepp. okay, back to my CT results.
i got 38/50 for my maths.
i dunno why but eveytyme a test is ??/50, i alwaes get 38.
reallie. i always get 38 if the test is ??/50.
hui fang & darryl got full marks can..
haah. but im not jealous.
okay, i got 15/25 for my geog.
i wont bother commenting on tt.
MY TDAE SO FAR.
aft skool, went to bugis wif tingyi & zheyu.
haah. actually went to sim lim square larh.
coz tingyi wanted to go collect her laptop which crashed.
she sent it for repairs at the shop there.
we took train to bugis den walked.
we stopped at 7-11 first
coz we were all so thirsty aft
the walk under the hot sun.
i bought a mashed potato
& we three shared a huge big-gulp.
haah. it only costed $1.50 can..
haah. im such a cheapo.
no larh, coz im broke so must learn to save $ mah.
haah. den we walked thru bugis street.
kao. down there alot of nice jeans & bags lor.
hais, must go there aft the CT.
yepp, den aft tingyio collected her com,
we still had alot of time so
we went to shop arnd PARCO.
haah. me & zheyu were looking arnd for a nice bag.
alot of sec1s at bugis lor.
naughty, naughty.
during CT oso go out..
ohyarh. also saw cutie sylvester !
haah. but he din see us.
*SOBSOB*
haaah. i think he was wif his sister or something.
anywae, we walked, walked & walked.
den aft tt they both were tired.
(so fast tired le)
so we all went hme.
so sad ryte ?
so now im sooo bored.
-lyssa x)
6:11 PM
erm. i got tis frm the net. not sure how i got to it though. well, it's good. juz read it !
Okay girls. As a female, it has occurred to me that a LOT of us misuse that line. Don't. If he says "I want to go out with my friends tonight instead of over to your grandparents house, is that okay?" and you say "It's fine," MEAN IT. As much as you would like to think that you two are SO CLOSE that he can read your mind and would know when it's NOT fine, there are virtually no mind-reading boyfriends out there. So remember: No, he is NOT supposed to know. Dating you does not make him a psychic.
Let's see how this would work:
Him: I want to go out with my friends tonight, instead of going over to visit with your grandparents. One of the guys got tickets to the premiere of the newest Vin Diesel movie, and they decided to make it a guys' night out. Are you okay with that?
You: It's fine.
----the next day----
You: *fume fume fume*
Him: What's wrong?
You: You KNOW what's wrong
Him: Uh, no?
You: I'm not telling you then. You can just go out with your friends every night.
See the problem? If you convince him that it's fine when it really isn't, and then you get mad at him as soon as he's back from his guys' night out, NO he's not going to immediately realize why. Be honest with him. If you mislead him intentionally by telling him everything is fine, that's not honesty. Getting mad over it after you said "It's fine" is just flatout unhealthy for the relationship too.
Let's go over that situation again, shall we?
Him: I want to go out with my friends tonight, instead of going over to visit with your grandparents. One of the guys got tickets to the premiere of the newest Vin Diesel movie, and they decided to make it a guys' night out. Are you okay with that?
You: Well, I'm disappointed. My grandparents were really looking forward to meeting you. Maybe you could stop by before you guys go out?
geddit ?? so next tyme dun sae wad he wants to hear. sae wad yoo think although sometimes it's diffucult.
4:55 PM
i betta quickly blog now b4 i lose the mood.
haah. okay, lemme begin.
haah. erm. had PE tdae. play netball .
yepp. it's fun.
luckily there was no 2.4 again..
if not i will kill myself under the sun.
haah. last week ran 2.4 when i had fever.
hais. damn tired these few daes..
yepp. dunno why oso.
slept during ms kow & ms chia lesson..
wanted to sleep during GW
budden the yip keep making the leaders of the groups stand
so had no choice, couln't sleep.
hais. den after skool xi ling, indah & zakiah
came to my hse to do the english project.
haah. help xi ling make friendster account !
haah. at last man..
heehee. and because we took bus wid velvelyn, yueh li & khei,
we took a whole hour to reach my hse !
and by the time we reached they only stayed for like i think an hour ? hais. but at least we finished the english..
haah. okay.
now i have the ' why-the-heck-am-i-blogging ' syndrom.
shitty.
okay, dun feel lyke blogging le. argh. hahhaa.
-lyssa 8) hellloooo, world.
6:25 PM
i just came hme frm KFC ! haah. went there wif i think almost all of the 'perverts' except xi ling and hsin rui. hais. i cant wait for the CT to be over man.. den can go out everydae liao. hais. i hate myself sometimes. i reallie do. hais. its lyke i dun treasure wad i have. hands are for writing NOT doing other stuff. hais. dunno why i did tt also. felt so phawked-up tt dae. 5 altogether but not deep at all can. hais. its a sad life i have. very sad life. hais. im reallie gonna enjoy myself aft the CT. reallie gonna go out everydae le. already have plans for the 'perverts'. haah. all of us gonna go out on sat. the sat aft exams. haah. everyone has something in mind to buy le. haah. me & xiling gonna buy a bag. yepp. at last lor. shitty. hope can find some new designs. we gonna watch either constantine or hide & seek. xiling is totally objecting to hide & seek can.. haah. tdae ms ng told us ghost stories during CME period. everybodee lyke so freaked out lidat lor. even ms ng not sure if she was seeing things anot they also scared. hais. poor things. haah. den during english period no one reallie answered ms kow's questions. haah. den she ask us den the boys told her jason told us ghost stories. haah. cos we supposed to keep it within the four walls. haah. so funnie lor. haah. den aft tt had ting xie !!! haah. i all also ticum write wan lor. confirm fail. haah. i hate ms chia !!!!!!! argh. she sucks to thwe apple core man. hais. so suay lor. get her for science.. hais.
-lyssa 8)
4:51 PM
HAPPY ONE MONTH ANIVERSARY ! 8)
one month has passed.
slowly ? not sure.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i think i had every right to be angry tdae. or rather tonight.
god. it's so irritating !
are yoo alwaes lidat ?
well, yoo seem lyke yoo dun believe me at all.
i wanna tell someone bout
how i feel.
wad i feel. and
why i feel tt way.
but who wants to listen ?
im afraid of the consequences.
im afraid of tt dae when yoo find out.
how i hate that feeling of distrust.
hate that stupid line of yours.
I THOUGHT TRUST WAS AN ESSENTIAL THING ?
well, for me it is.
not sure bout yoo though.
trying to forget tt dae.
wad happened.
wad did not happen.
wad i wanted to happen.8'(
------------------------------------------------------------------
shall blog bout tdae.
had band aft skool.
well, during skool it was damn boring.
it's lidat every fridae.
i HAVE to get used to it.
ms lian ah lian.
ARGH !
boring voice.
boring lessons.
boring bonus questions.
boring assignments.
boring boring boring.
ARGH !
can we request a transfer for teacher ?
i think tts wad the whole sec2 express wants.
yepp. i reallie think so.
hmmm. band was quite fun tdae.
bubu took us seniors for a lil' bit of drill.
haah. we march frm the carpark,
to the hill,
to the band room,
and back to the hill,
den to the basketball court for GAMES !
haah. we played truth or dare (for one round),
zhong ji mi ma,
and the hand tangling game.
shall not sae wad happened between
me, kelvin, bubu, beewah, daniel & wei jie.
haah. very embarrassing & also later ppl angry.
aft tt went to princess mac to eat wid
kelvin, jun rong, bubu, faezah, chee sim, min qi & yiling.
we took some pics on bubu's fone.
haah. as usual jun rong & kelvin were irritating ppl.
den went to singapore post to buy seventeen !
haah. yepp. i wanna sign up for the membership.
havent reallie read it yet.
hope it has some ORLANDO BLOOM pics inside !!!
-lyssa *depressed, heartbroken* 8'(
10:10 PM
i hate lil' kids.
well, not all lil' kids. juz the two tt came to my hse & crash the com.
yepp. they rushed full-force and the whole CPU collasped.
nvm. now the com is up & running again. thank god.
also thanks to my dady. haah.
he was the one who fixed it kay.
so clever. haah.
tdae went to the NeWater plant in taneh merah.
it was BoOrRiInNgG.
well, maybe cos i went there b4.
OR
maybe cos its reallie plain BORING .
but i think it was plain boring.
haah.
6:29 PM
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR !!
heehee. so freaking boring.
nobodee to visit & collect angpows. haah.
im so money-minded.
god. understand me. im seriously broke.
went fer morning mass. collected blessed oranges. haah.
16 in total ! haah.
four fer each person !! haah.
haah. haah. haah.
god. im bored.
im thinking of changing my blogskin. haah.
im freaking bored. bored.
nothing nice to blog bout.
yepps.
so im crapping.
lyke siao.
-lyssa 8)
2:42 PM
haah. juz came back frm CIP & soccer match. haah. freakin tired man. haah. now eating dinner. pizza again. haah. yummy. bedok south won the friendly against telok kurau man. haah. YAY ! telok kurau damn act one lor. act kena injured. so fake de. haah. but anywaes. bedok south still won. YAY !! i think the score was 5-1 or 5-0. but telok kurau is still so pathetic. haah. oh man. im evil. haah. CIP was dead boring man. but it's expected anywae. haah. went arnd collecting newspapers frm the rich ppl living at jln limau. haah. aft CIP went to the playground behind skool. haah. wif hsin rui, xi ling, jean, vivian & yueh li. haah. xi ling was the one who begged us all to go dere. haah. aiya. but it's lyke so so predictable. haah. gtg. mom's home.
6:49 PM
wahaah. juz came back frm band. haah. exhausted man. din have any breaks throughout can ? argh. dale came to teach us blue ridge saga. budden its understandable lar. coz the band reallie sucked. sorri if i insulted anyone. but its the truth. reallie sucked. yepps.
omg ! i finally bought my CNY clothes !! haah. YAY ! at last man. bought them last weekend ! haah. yepps. flesh imp skirt, tis oriental blouse, mango pants, tis lacey blouse etc...
haah. love my clothes man. haah.
juz ate my dinner : chicken pepperoni pizza. haah. ate 4 pieces can . haah. super hungry. haah. but gd oso lar. coz i feel tt i nid to put on weight ! haah. reallie lor. haah.
eh ! benedict ! cme my blog mus tag yarh ?? haah. 8)
ohyah ! me, xi ling & hsin rui went to the playground b4 band tdae ! haah. play swing ! heehee. so childish. budden is amelia's fault. who ask her intro me the playground ?? haah. den we saw so many peeps walking. felt so paiseh lor ! haah. but who cares larh. they wanna see den see lor. see us zao geng oni ! haah. omg omg omg. haah. im seriously darn irritatingly BORED ! argh.
ohyah ! i got 18/25 fer my science test man. shitty lor. so bloody low can. shit ! den english test got 10/15. tt one still okay larh. but not gd either. both so so so bad. shity man. and i swear im gonna fail tdaes history test ! den i ask the chelvam if can have re-test. she repies me no wif ALOT of spit flying in the air. such rudeness. hmph. dun give re-test den dun give larh. must spit yr spit de meh ?? hais. im slacking these few daes. shit.
im lyke slacking so so much can. and i still dun understand the freakin maths thing !! argh ! so irritatin man. shiittyyy. and i dun feel lyke bloggin le coz im starting to feel guilty bout not studying ! haah.
-lyssa 8)
8:13 PM
